There’s a particular thrill that comes from discovering something new with your partner. Not just a new restaurant or a scenic view on a trip, but something much more intimate. One of the most enticing fantasies I have is to visit a sex store with my wife, preferably while we’re in a city we’ve never been to before. Maybe we’re wandering the romantic streets of Paris, the vibrant neighborhoods of New York, or the historic alleys of London. Somewhere along our stroll, we spot a brightly lit sex shop, its window filled with fascinating displays, and exchange a playful look that says, “Should we?”
In that moment, there’s a shared excitement that is almost electric. It’s not just about the sex toys themselves – though they hold a certain curiosity – but about the experience of navigating this taboo space together. Walking through aisles of vibrators, dildos, handcuffs, and lubricants, we’d steal glances at each other, our cheeks flushed, giggling at the more outrageous items, and feeling that familiar, thrilling rush when we spot something we might actually want to try.
There’s something deeply intimate about shopping for sex toys with your partner. It’s more than just about picking out a product; it’s about understanding each other’s desires, boundaries, and curiosities in a new light. It sparks conversations that might not normally come up, and those conversations can feel as vulnerable and intimate as the act of love itself. You’re not just discussing toys – you’re learning about each other’s pleasures, discovering the things that make you both tick in a way that feels playful yet deeply personal.
Our reality, though, is that we haven’t yet made that fantasy trip to a sex store in a foreign city. But that hasn’t stopped us from exploring. Online shopping has allowed us to build quite the collection over time. We’ve got one drawer stuffed with toys and lube, another with roleplay outfits and accessories, and even a closet shelf dedicated to our favorite naughty board games. I like to think our shopping habits have contributed to our city’s appearance on the “Top 10 Sexiest Cities in Canada” list by PinkCherry, a sex toy retailer that tracks purchases by location.
What I’ve come to realize over the years is that while toys can definitely spice things up, they also come with their own set of rules for keeping intimacy alive. Sex toys are great for expanding your sexual horizons, enhancing pleasure, or even diving into roleplay or BDSM, but there’s a delicate balance to maintain. If you focus too much on the toys and not enough on each other, the experience can quickly become mechanical. It’s like trying to have a heartfelt conversation with someone who’s distracted by their phone – you lose that personal connection.
The key is to remember that sex toys are just tools, designed to complement the shared experience between you and your partner. They’re not meant to replace the intimacy or the connection, but to enhance it. You can’t just rely on the toy to do all the work; you still need to be present, attentive, and in tune with your partner’s responses. It’s in those moments of shared attention, of mutual discovery, that the real magic happens.
Sometimes, we lay out a few toys and ask each other, “What do you feel like tonight?” Other times, we let the moment guide us, seamlessly integrating a vibrator or a plug into what we’re already doing. There’s a sense of flow when you incorporate toys without breaking the rhythm of your connection. Offering up a suggestion like, “I’d love to use the wand on you while I kiss your neck,” or, “Let’s try the plug tonight and see where it takes us,” keeps the focus on the shared pleasure, not just the device.
But there are nights when neither of us feels like using toys at all. Some of our most intimate moments are those when it’s just the two of us, completely skin-to-skin, with no silicone or plastic in between. In those moments, we’re reminded that while toys are fun and exciting, there’s something profoundly powerful about the simplicity of being completely present with each other, without any distractions. No matter how great the latest gadget might be, nothing compares to the feeling of being completely immersed in your partner’s body and energy.
Of course, not everyone is immediately comfortable with the idea of incorporating toys into their sex life. I know some men, in particular, might feel a sense of insecurity – as though they’re competing with a dildo or a vibrator. It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that your partner’s favorite toy is somehow a replacement for you, but that’s rarely the case. Toys aren’t about replacing intimacy; they’re about expanding it. They offer new sensations and opportunities for pleasure that complement the connection you already have.
I’ve learned that communication is absolutely crucial when it comes to using toys together. When you open up about your desires and fantasies, and invite your partner to do the same, you’re building trust and understanding. It’s in these conversations that you discover what truly excites each other, both mentally and physically. And that’s not just arousing – it’s deeply bonding.
Imagine hearing your partner say something like, “I love when you use the vibrator on me while we’re making love,” or “The way you tease me with the plug drives me crazy.” These aren’t just compliments about technique – they’re invitations to explore deeper levels of intimacy, to learn more about what makes each other tick in the most personal of ways.
The fantasy of shopping for sex toys in a new city, of discovering new realms of pleasure together, is about more than just the toys themselves. It’s about the joy of shared discovery, the laughter that comes with exploring something taboo, and the deep sense of connection that grows when you approach each new experience with an open mind and heart.
Someday, we’ll make it to that sex store in Paris, or New York, or London. But even if we don’t, the journey of exploring our desires together is one that we’re already on, and it’s one that we’ll never stop enjoying. Whether we’re shopping online or browsing through the drawers at home, the thrill isn’t just in the toys – it’s in the connection we build through them, the conversations they spark, and the intimacy they enhance. In the end, it’s not about the tools at all – it’s about us.
